I am taking a bit of a sabattical from blogging, well not blogging entirely - obviously if anything major in my life happens, once the builders start on the new house, for example, I will be here with bells on, posting photos and observations etc.
For the time being however, I am going to let this baby mellow, mature and hopefully when I get back it wont read like a schoolgirl's diary. I'll still be dropping by everyone's blog and tossing in my 5 cents worth from time to time...so you don't get rid of me that easily. For the time being however, consider this diary tucked under the proverbial bed, waiting for something more earth shattering than "what I had for breakfast".
January 23, 2007
January 18, 2007
Area 51
1. What is your first name?
Susan
2. Were you named after anyone?
I have a cousin with the same name, but that wasn't deliberate - just a popular name in the 60's - my mum did say once though that they checked with my Aunt and Uncle first to see if they minded. My middle name is same as Great-Aunt - dunno if I was named after her though.
3. Do you wish on stars?
Yep.
4. When did you last cry?
Can't remember. Doesn't mean I don't cry often - just means my memory sucks. The boy made me tear up from sentiment with a sweet comment the other day though.
5. Do you like your handwriting?
I used to have beautiful penmanship. At my old job they always came to me to write out special event cards, invitations etc. because I can do Calligraphy. Nowadays my penmanship is atrocious, lack of practice and too much time using keyboards 24/7. At times I even have trouble reading my own scrawl.
6. What is your favorite lunch meat?
Not a big lunch meat fan.
7. What is your most embarrassing CD MP3?
I don't have one - my music tastes are wide, varied and I am unapologetic for that. If someone wishes to look down their noses at my CD collection then they seriously need a life.
8. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
Heck yeah! I'd date me!
9. Do you have a journal?
I kept a daily written diary from the age of 11 to 18 - every day, every bit of teenage angst, every crush, every dream was recorded in those pages. A boyfriend found them, read them and I stopped writing - it was such an invasion of privacy. He insisted I throw them away...which I did...foolish, foolish girl. I should have kept the diaries and tossed out the controlling boyfriend (who unfortunately went on to become a controlling husband - foolish, foolish girl). I have been blogging since 2004 - admittedly I have deleted 2 blogs so far - but there are cleansing reasons behind that too.
10. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Me?
11. What are your nicknames?
My understanding is that a nickname is what someone else calls you...not what you call yourself. So usernames don't really count. Growing up I got, Gingernut, Ginge, Duracell, Greebo, Greenie and Grebbles. I hated all of them.
12. Would you bungee jump?
Absolutely! (Although I would like a little coaxing too...but I would definitely be into it).
13. Do you untie your shoes before you take them off?
Very, very rarely. The only laced shoes I have right now are my runners which I wear for the gym, so I do have to put them on and lace them properly, but I always just kick them off without untieing them at the end of my workout.
14. Do you think that you are strong?
Mentally -yes,
Physically - yes.
Emotionally - ummmm.
15. What is your favourite ice cream flavor?
I am not a huge ice cream fan to be honest. In fact the tub I bought at Christmas time (Neapolitan) is still untouched in the freezer. I do like a soft serve cone in the summer time though. Dairy Queen/99 (with the flake!)
16. Shoe size?
I have wide feet so sometimes I can range anywhere from an 8 (runners) to a 9 1/2 depending on style of the shoe...but I have worn size 10 if the shoe was very narrow. Surprisingly, as I lose weight, my shoe size seems to be shrinking.
17. Red or pink?
No preference. To wear? Neither!
18. What is your least favourite thing about yourself?
The fact that I put myself down all the time.
19. What do you miss most?
My mum.
20. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back?
Obviously this was originally an email meme. Nope!
21. What colour pants/shoes are you wearing?
Pale white skin coloured pants...oh wait..those are my legs....hmm, need to shave..No shoes, pink (well they used to be pink...ok dusty pink) slippers.
22. What are you listening to right now?
Nothing. Peace, quiet, the occasional ping from the baseboard heater as the metal expands and contracts. Gentle hum from the lap top. Wall clock ticking.
23. Last thing you ate?
A meal replacement protein bar - brunch!
24. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
Firey orange. (who thinks of these questions?)
25. What is the weather like right now?
Current temperature -1 C Windchill -6C Wind coming from the SW at 18 km/hr, cloudy, barometric pressure 102.35 kPa, humidity 69%, Sunrise was at 7:48 sunset will be at 5:10
26. Last person you talked to on the phone?
My date guy. (shriek!)
27. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Eyes, hair, smile, body size, height.
28. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Nobody sent it, I stole it from Zippy's blog.
29. Favourite drink?
Tea or Coffee for non alcoholic choices. Shiraz or Gewurztraminer for wine. Not a big fan of pop unless it's as a mix with alcohol (ie: rum and diet coke).
30. Favourite sport?
To watch? Figure skating, tennis or Show jumping. To do? Most water sports. Will try most things once. Never really was that 'good at games'.
31. Hair colour?
Red
32. Eye colour?
Blue/grey depending on my mood.
33. Do you wear contacts?
Yes. I am real tempted to one day get the laser eye thing done, but I am also kinda freaked at the idea too. Wear my glasses at home and on omg-I-am-too-tired-to-care days.
34. Favourite food?
Never ask a woman on a diet that! At the moment everything looks good. (With the exception of Brussels - gag) In fact, I don't suggest you even sit still around here too long, or I will be eyeing you up and mentally running through my favourite bbq recipes in my head.
35. Last movie you watched?
On dvd: The Black Dahlia. (wasn't that great) and The Covenant (which was pretty good).
36. Favourite day of the year?
I was going to say Christmas morning, but in truth any summer morning, where it's warm out and I can sit out on the patio, enjoy the flowers in my garden, sipping on my morning coffee...(shooing off the squirrels) is a great day for me.
37. Scary movies or happy endings?
Happy endings (like Love Actually) or last minute twist shocker suspense endings (like the Sixth Sense).
38. Winter or summer?
Summer, fall...sometimes winter...rarely spring.
39. Hugs or kisses?
Kisses...no, hugs...darn...no, kisses...argh...decisions! BOTH!
40. What is your favourite dessert?
Molten chocolate lava cake. (Homer Simpson drool noises).
41. Who is most likely to do this meme?
People who like to do meme's perhaps?
42. Who is the least likely to do this meme and comment?
Seriously...who asks these questions? Who cares??
43. What books are you reading?
Trying to plough my way through Dr. Phil's Ultimate Weight Solution. I don't find his writing style easy to read at all.
Just finished reading:
Jeffrey Archer's False Impression (very good)
Dan Brown's Angels and Demons (very very good)
and Tess Gerritsen's The Mephisto Club (very good).
44. What’s on your mouse pad?
I don't need a mouse pad I have an optical mouse plugged into the laptop because I don't like the laptop's built in mouse thingy. I don't feel like I have the same control.
45. What did you watch on TV last night?
I didn't watch TV last night.
46. Favourite smells?
Fresh baked bread. Fresh laundry. Lilac bushes. The Ocean. Fresh cut grass. Skin, fresh out of the shower. Fresh brewed coffee.
47. Favourite sounds?
Pounding surf. Seagulls. Thunder and lighting storms. Bagpipes (honestly! Hard to explain.)
48. Rolling Stones or Beatles?
Hands down, the fab four ...The Beatles.
49. What’s the furthest you’ve been from your home?
Cuba.
50. Do you have a special talent?
Nope. I do most things "well" or "good enough"...but nothing springs to mind that I excel at.
51. What is your ring tone?
Haven't a clue. I selected a ring tone off the generic list that came with the phone. I once tried to pick a tone to download off the web, spent literally hours browsing different sounds and tones...got frustrated at not being able to make a decision...and logged off without getting one. I don't get that many phone calls on my cell that it matters all that much.
Susan
2. Were you named after anyone?
I have a cousin with the same name, but that wasn't deliberate - just a popular name in the 60's - my mum did say once though that they checked with my Aunt and Uncle first to see if they minded. My middle name is same as Great-Aunt - dunno if I was named after her though.
3. Do you wish on stars?
Yep.
4. When did you last cry?
Can't remember. Doesn't mean I don't cry often - just means my memory sucks. The boy made me tear up from sentiment with a sweet comment the other day though.
5. Do you like your handwriting?
I used to have beautiful penmanship. At my old job they always came to me to write out special event cards, invitations etc. because I can do Calligraphy. Nowadays my penmanship is atrocious, lack of practice and too much time using keyboards 24/7. At times I even have trouble reading my own scrawl.
6. What is your favorite lunch meat?
Not a big lunch meat fan.
7. What is your most embarrassing CD MP3?
I don't have one - my music tastes are wide, varied and I am unapologetic for that. If someone wishes to look down their noses at my CD collection then they seriously need a life.
8. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
Heck yeah! I'd date me!
9. Do you have a journal?
I kept a daily written diary from the age of 11 to 18 - every day, every bit of teenage angst, every crush, every dream was recorded in those pages. A boyfriend found them, read them and I stopped writing - it was such an invasion of privacy. He insisted I throw them away...which I did...foolish, foolish girl. I should have kept the diaries and tossed out the controlling boyfriend (who unfortunately went on to become a controlling husband - foolish, foolish girl). I have been blogging since 2004 - admittedly I have deleted 2 blogs so far - but there are cleansing reasons behind that too.
10. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Me?
11. What are your nicknames?
My understanding is that a nickname is what someone else calls you...not what you call yourself. So usernames don't really count. Growing up I got, Gingernut, Ginge, Duracell, Greebo, Greenie and Grebbles. I hated all of them.
12. Would you bungee jump?
Absolutely! (Although I would like a little coaxing too...but I would definitely be into it).
13. Do you untie your shoes before you take them off?
Very, very rarely. The only laced shoes I have right now are my runners which I wear for the gym, so I do have to put them on and lace them properly, but I always just kick them off without untieing them at the end of my workout.
14. Do you think that you are strong?
Mentally -yes,
Physically - yes.
Emotionally - ummmm.
15. What is your favourite ice cream flavor?
I am not a huge ice cream fan to be honest. In fact the tub I bought at Christmas time (Neapolitan) is still untouched in the freezer. I do like a soft serve cone in the summer time though. Dairy Queen/99 (with the flake!)
16. Shoe size?
I have wide feet so sometimes I can range anywhere from an 8 (runners) to a 9 1/2 depending on style of the shoe...but I have worn size 10 if the shoe was very narrow. Surprisingly, as I lose weight, my shoe size seems to be shrinking.
17. Red or pink?
No preference. To wear? Neither!
18. What is your least favourite thing about yourself?
The fact that I put myself down all the time.
19. What do you miss most?
My mum.
20. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back?
Obviously this was originally an email meme. Nope!
21. What colour pants/shoes are you wearing?
Pale white skin coloured pants...oh wait..those are my legs....hmm, need to shave..No shoes, pink (well they used to be pink...ok dusty pink) slippers.
22. What are you listening to right now?
Nothing. Peace, quiet, the occasional ping from the baseboard heater as the metal expands and contracts. Gentle hum from the lap top. Wall clock ticking.
23. Last thing you ate?
A meal replacement protein bar - brunch!
24. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
Firey orange. (who thinks of these questions?)
25. What is the weather like right now?
Current temperature -1 C Windchill -6C Wind coming from the SW at 18 km/hr, cloudy, barometric pressure 102.35 kPa, humidity 69%, Sunrise was at 7:48 sunset will be at 5:10
26. Last person you talked to on the phone?
My date guy. (shriek!)
27. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Eyes, hair, smile, body size, height.
28. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Nobody sent it, I stole it from Zippy's blog.
29. Favourite drink?
Tea or Coffee for non alcoholic choices. Shiraz or Gewurztraminer for wine. Not a big fan of pop unless it's as a mix with alcohol (ie: rum and diet coke).
30. Favourite sport?
To watch? Figure skating, tennis or Show jumping. To do? Most water sports. Will try most things once. Never really was that 'good at games'.
31. Hair colour?
Red
32. Eye colour?
Blue/grey depending on my mood.
33. Do you wear contacts?
Yes. I am real tempted to one day get the laser eye thing done, but I am also kinda freaked at the idea too. Wear my glasses at home and on omg-I-am-too-tired-to-care days.
34. Favourite food?
Never ask a woman on a diet that! At the moment everything looks good. (With the exception of Brussels - gag) In fact, I don't suggest you even sit still around here too long, or I will be eyeing you up and mentally running through my favourite bbq recipes in my head.
35. Last movie you watched?
On dvd: The Black Dahlia. (wasn't that great) and The Covenant (which was pretty good).
36. Favourite day of the year?
I was going to say Christmas morning, but in truth any summer morning, where it's warm out and I can sit out on the patio, enjoy the flowers in my garden, sipping on my morning coffee...(shooing off the squirrels) is a great day for me.
37. Scary movies or happy endings?
Happy endings (like Love Actually) or last minute twist shocker suspense endings (like the Sixth Sense).
38. Winter or summer?
Summer, fall...sometimes winter...rarely spring.
39. Hugs or kisses?
Kisses...no, hugs...darn...no, kisses...argh...decisions! BOTH!
40. What is your favourite dessert?
Molten chocolate lava cake. (Homer Simpson drool noises).
41. Who is most likely to do this meme?
People who like to do meme's perhaps?
42. Who is the least likely to do this meme and comment?
Seriously...who asks these questions? Who cares??
43. What books are you reading?
Trying to plough my way through Dr. Phil's Ultimate Weight Solution. I don't find his writing style easy to read at all.
Just finished reading:
Jeffrey Archer's False Impression (very good)
Dan Brown's Angels and Demons (very very good)
and Tess Gerritsen's The Mephisto Club (very good).
44. What’s on your mouse pad?
I don't need a mouse pad I have an optical mouse plugged into the laptop because I don't like the laptop's built in mouse thingy. I don't feel like I have the same control.
45. What did you watch on TV last night?
I didn't watch TV last night.
46. Favourite smells?
Fresh baked bread. Fresh laundry. Lilac bushes. The Ocean. Fresh cut grass. Skin, fresh out of the shower. Fresh brewed coffee.
47. Favourite sounds?
Pounding surf. Seagulls. Thunder and lighting storms. Bagpipes (honestly! Hard to explain.)
48. Rolling Stones or Beatles?
Hands down, the fab four ...The Beatles.
49. What’s the furthest you’ve been from your home?
Cuba.
50. Do you have a special talent?
Nope. I do most things "well" or "good enough"...but nothing springs to mind that I excel at.
51. What is your ring tone?
Haven't a clue. I selected a ring tone off the generic list that came with the phone. I once tried to pick a tone to download off the web, spent literally hours browsing different sounds and tones...got frustrated at not being able to make a decision...and logged off without getting one. I don't get that many phone calls on my cell that it matters all that much.
January 17, 2007
Observation
Late night phone calls that last til 2am are very sweet and reminiscent of high school, and the residual smiles the following morning at 7am seem to counteract fatigue.
January 16, 2007
The Crusade has begun
The Boy was one of many in line at our local EB Games last night to pick up his reserved copy of World of Warcraft: The Burning Crusade, which was released at midnight.
I don't expect I will see him for a while. He has even booked a few vacation days off work. I will just leave plates of food at the door and every so often, open the computer room door just wide enough and long enough to aim a can of aerosol air freshener at his general direction.
Thank heavens one of his first purchases from his new job was this laptop...otherwise I would be totally computerless! I get more use out of it than he ever does! hehehe
I don't expect I will see him for a while. He has even booked a few vacation days off work. I will just leave plates of food at the door and every so often, open the computer room door just wide enough and long enough to aim a can of aerosol air freshener at his general direction.
Thank heavens one of his first purchases from his new job was this laptop...otherwise I would be totally computerless! I get more use out of it than he ever does! hehehe
January 15, 2007
Frustration
So the blind date from the other night ...
...the man who has driven me insane with his "come hither, no go away" attitude over the last month.
Who can frustrate me beyond belief with his rigid outlook.
The first man in heck knows how long, who has piqued my interest. (Yes people, we are talking "zing" here).
The same fella with whom on the phone the other day I told in no uncertain terms exactly what I thought and how frustrating he could be ...
....and who in turn said quite calmly that he felt given my thoughts on the matter he should just "bow out gracefully" on our fledgling friendship/relationship...
...to which I retorted, "I agree, you simply aren't the man for me!" (hanging up feeling smug and so forth)...
...MSN's me tonight (which was a surprised because I had deleted him completely from phone, email, you name it...gone!) Just to say hello....and then says...
"For what it's worth, you are the kind of woman it would be so easy to fall in love with....and so impossible to live without. Good night."
And poof ...he was gone...logged off and leaving me sucking a thoughtful tooth.
Game player, arrogant so-and-so, pain in my ass (and potential pain in my heart)...
...that's the sweetest thing anyone has said to me in the longest time....
...and he knows it....
....and he no doubt knows I will go to bed tonight, with him on my mind, wondering what the hell is going on.
Stay tuned ...there may be more to come on this one.
...the man who has driven me insane with his "come hither, no go away" attitude over the last month.
Who can frustrate me beyond belief with his rigid outlook.
The first man in heck knows how long, who has piqued my interest. (Yes people, we are talking "zing" here).
The same fella with whom on the phone the other day I told in no uncertain terms exactly what I thought and how frustrating he could be ...
....and who in turn said quite calmly that he felt given my thoughts on the matter he should just "bow out gracefully" on our fledgling friendship/relationship...
...to which I retorted, "I agree, you simply aren't the man for me!" (hanging up feeling smug and so forth)...
...MSN's me tonight (which was a surprised because I had deleted him completely from phone, email, you name it...gone!) Just to say hello....and then says...
"For what it's worth, you are the kind of woman it would be so easy to fall in love with....and so impossible to live without. Good night."
And poof ...he was gone...logged off and leaving me sucking a thoughtful tooth.
Game player, arrogant so-and-so, pain in my ass (and potential pain in my heart)...
...that's the sweetest thing anyone has said to me in the longest time....
...and he knows it....
....and he no doubt knows I will go to bed tonight, with him on my mind, wondering what the hell is going on.
Stay tuned ...there may be more to come on this one.
January 13, 2007
SWF seeks...
OK, so the new year of being single in the suburbs didn't exactly get of to a successful start, (we wont even touch on my date the other night) but we're hopeful, it's a new year, a new decade (pour moi), I'm optimistic, psyched up and ready to go, so bring 'em on! (Cue "Rocky" sound track)
My single gal pals all use online personals - we've all had varying degrees of success - J. in fact is currently in month 3 of a seeing a guy she met online and so far (touch wood) things seem to be going wonderfully for her. I am thrilled for her and a touch envious too - lol.
For me however it seems I attract the weirdos, the wackos, the ones who can't spell - well let me give you an example. This morning's mail box yielded the following gem from a gentleman I have never seen or spoken to before.
"lets have dinner or lunch to know each other more"
OK...straight...to the point...I will overlook the lack of punctuation, capital letters, salutations etc. Heck, do we even need to know the name of our dinner companions, honestly? I manage marvelously at work with "my dear" or "lovey" when I have totally blanked on somebodies name. So I clicked on my anonymous admirers profile, ready to have my heart whisked away in a frenzy of desire, lust and who cares if he doesn't punctuate his sentences...and this is what I found. In his "about me" section:
im 5'7high and 140lb and clean shaving head,watching hocey and soccer,swimming ,traveling,walking on the beach, eat differnet food.70/80/90/and200..... music and country musice fan too , ihave big tatoowatching mr beeb and funny movie, habs go habs go
Obviously my new friend had problems with spaces between words, spelling...er English even? I checked out his stats...ah, yes - he's oriental. Nothing against orientals, however if you re-read the ad with an Asian accent it does seem to flow a little nicer....(yes I am digging here for something positive to say). I think he means Mr. Bean, not "mr beeb". Either way, you can see what I mean when I say that pickings are slim to none. On the plus side however, he has managed to fit in the classic "walks on the beach" line. Gotta give him points for that oft-used gem.
I keep thinking of Long Duk Dong from Sixteen Candles in search of his "American girlfriend".
My single gal pals all use online personals - we've all had varying degrees of success - J. in fact is currently in month 3 of a seeing a guy she met online and so far (touch wood) things seem to be going wonderfully for her. I am thrilled for her and a touch envious too - lol.
For me however it seems I attract the weirdos, the wackos, the ones who can't spell - well let me give you an example. This morning's mail box yielded the following gem from a gentleman I have never seen or spoken to before.
"lets have dinner or lunch to know each other more"
OK...straight...to the point...I will overlook the lack of punctuation, capital letters, salutations etc. Heck, do we even need to know the name of our dinner companions, honestly? I manage marvelously at work with "my dear" or "lovey" when I have totally blanked on somebodies name. So I clicked on my anonymous admirers profile, ready to have my heart whisked away in a frenzy of desire, lust and who cares if he doesn't punctuate his sentences...and this is what I found. In his "about me" section:
im 5'7high and 140lb and clean shaving head,watching hocey and soccer,swimming ,traveling,walking on the beach, eat differnet food.70/80/90/and200..... music and country musice fan too , ihave big tatoowatching mr beeb and funny movie, habs go habs go
Obviously my new friend had problems with spaces between words, spelling...er English even? I checked out his stats...ah, yes - he's oriental. Nothing against orientals, however if you re-read the ad with an Asian accent it does seem to flow a little nicer....(yes I am digging here for something positive to say). I think he means Mr. Bean, not "mr beeb". Either way, you can see what I mean when I say that pickings are slim to none. On the plus side however, he has managed to fit in the classic "walks on the beach" line. Gotta give him points for that oft-used gem.
I keep thinking of Long Duk Dong from Sixteen Candles in search of his "American girlfriend".
January 10, 2007
Your Cat's New Year's Resolutions
For the feline lovers amongst us...
When you are in the washroom I will not meow pitifully at the door, or try to reach my paw under the door to get to you. I know you will come out of there eventually and I just need to wait patiently.
When you are taking a bubble bath, I will not peer over the side at you, or hop up onto the edge and precariously walk the perimeter. I know the thought of wet, hissing, scratching cat and your naked flesh makes you nervous.
We will not play "Herd of Thundering Wildebeasts Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti" over any humans' bed while they're trying to sleep.
I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds and squirrels outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.
I will not assume the patio door is open when I attempt to race outside to chase leaves.
I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it...
...If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.
If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.
When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to check every door.
I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.
When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.
When my human is making the bed, I will not repeatedly hop up onto the mattress to be covered by sheets, blankets, duvets etc.
I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when they are on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.
When my human is typing at the computer, their forearms are *not* a hammock. (Point of reference...this is Xena's FAVOURITE spot to lie and nap...and my forearms should look like Popeye the Sailor as a result!)
Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail. (Sooooooo true it hurts!)
I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has watched the X-Files.
I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare until they wake up. (Cats, dogs and toddlers have this incredible ability to wake me out of a dead sleep just by staring).
I will not wake my human on her day off at 5 am by pacing repeatedly across her pillow and accidentally-on-purpose pulling at her hair.
I will not walk on the key board when my human is writing important adagfsg gdjag ;ln
When you are in the washroom I will not meow pitifully at the door, or try to reach my paw under the door to get to you. I know you will come out of there eventually and I just need to wait patiently.
When you are taking a bubble bath, I will not peer over the side at you, or hop up onto the edge and precariously walk the perimeter. I know the thought of wet, hissing, scratching cat and your naked flesh makes you nervous.
We will not play "Herd of Thundering Wildebeasts Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti" over any humans' bed while they're trying to sleep.
I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds and squirrels outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.
I will not assume the patio door is open when I attempt to race outside to chase leaves.
I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it...
...If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.
If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.
When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to check every door.
I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.
When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.
When my human is making the bed, I will not repeatedly hop up onto the mattress to be covered by sheets, blankets, duvets etc.
I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when they are on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.
When my human is typing at the computer, their forearms are *not* a hammock. (Point of reference...this is Xena's FAVOURITE spot to lie and nap...and my forearms should look like Popeye the Sailor as a result!)
Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail. (Sooooooo true it hurts!)
I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has watched the X-Files.
I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare until they wake up. (Cats, dogs and toddlers have this incredible ability to wake me out of a dead sleep just by staring).
I will not wake my human on her day off at 5 am by pacing repeatedly across her pillow and accidentally-on-purpose pulling at her hair.
I will not walk on the key board when my human is writing important adagfsg gdjag ;ln
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